The Court Fool
by Encorexx
Summary: Izaya is the crown prince, and Shizuo is a peasant treading dirt into his court. Chaos inevitably follows. AU.


**Note:** A quick explanation about Kururi's speech patterns: the words in parentheses are not spoken aloud. They're more like mumblings under the breath or interpretations of her single-word phrases. Although, I think only Izaya or Mairu would understand Kururi's undertones, so other characters may not notice them. :)

Besides that, this here is my first Durarara! fanfic, so feel free to leave comments or criticisms as you wish. Since my attention has been hopelessly ensnared by this anime/light novel, I thought it only proper to contribute my part to the DRRR! fan insanity. I mean community. Well, no, insanity.

At your service, dear readers.  
~ _Suspended in the Sky_

* * *

**The Court Fool**  
Pleased to Meet You

**-x-**

_Ah. My beloved pawns._

The prince stared lovingly out the window — past the rambling head of his father, whose face and voice he blocked out soundly — fluttering his pretty eyelashes at the palace officials and visiting nobles milling around in the courtyard below.

_I love you all. I love each and every one of my little humans. I_—

A tall figure, dressed like a servant (_like a peasant_, the prince sneered) in simple black and white, ambled down the courtyard path.

_Except that one. That one should just die._

As Izaya's happy thoughts of love diminished, an exasperated cry was raised from some general direction to his left.

"Aaaauuugghhh... Father, may I be excused?"

"Also (me too)."

Emperor Nebula sighed and clasped his hands together.

"Girls, don't you want to hear about Daddy's adventures abroad? How he was chased by thieves, and how he explored the Amazon, and how..."

"Father. We're fifteen. We know you didn't do any of that junk during your two-day trip to the other side of town. Can we go now?" Mairu complained, loud and frank, as was her nature.

"Nonsense (we don't want to listen to your delusions)," Kururi added.

The prince, seeing his gateway out of this tedious family-bonding-brunch, pounced.

"Oh, Father, I know!" Izaya bounced lightly in his seat and waved a cheerful hand. "How about I take my _cute_ little sisters out to ride the horses? We haven't spent much time together lately..." here he paused for a pout and desolate sigh, "...And you know how teenagers are. So restless." He winked at the king, then yanked the twins up out of their seats as he stood. Mairu seemed to consider gnawing at his arm, but Kururi did not object.

"Affirmative (we would like that very much)."

The emperor huffed a bit but waved his hand, pardoning their presence. The Orihara trio bowed and departed with exaggerated smiles. The emperor fiddled with a crystal chalice momentarily before turning to the quiet soul at the other end of the table.

"Mikado, son, surely _you_ want to hear about Daddy's adventures."

It was not a question.

"E-Eh... ehh? I... uh... Father..." stammered the hapless younger prince, gazing up shyly from behind his miso soup.

"Oh-ho-ho! Very well, you eager child! Just yesterday morning-"

**-x-**

As soon as the doors to the dining hall slammed shut, the siblings separated. Izaya laughed, swaggering off in his own direction.

"Byeee, kiddums."

The girls headed in the opposite direction, Mairu hollering over her shoulder.

"Later, Iza-nii! Ya smooth-talkin' jerk!"

"...Bye (we're sick of hearing your voice so just leave)."

**-x-**

Izaya skipped gleefully across an empty ballroom, toward one of the balconies that overlooked the courtyard from a vantage point higher than that of the dining hall. The prince grabbed a set of binoculars from a nearby tea table and leered down at the masses, seeking out his least-loved subject.

There he was. The man was sitting quietly on the edge of a fountain. The Black Knight was with him as usual, decked out in her trademark dark gown and silver helmet. She seemed preoccupied with writing on her notepad.

"Oh Shizu-chan, Shizu-chan. If you weren't so hulking and ugly, you wouldn't be such a conspicuous target. It's your own fault, you know."

This said, the prince reached into his (fur-lined and very stylish, unlike tacky Shizu-chan's) blazer and produced a dart shooter. Loading up the toy, Izaya wondered just what poisons - "borrowed" from Shinra, which meant that they were indeed destructive hazards of some sort - would be most effective. Since it took about ten to fifteen shots for the brute to even _notice_ that he was being shot at, Izaya would certainly be able to collect some interesting experimental data. Shinra should thank him.

"OOhhhh, Izaya-sama. Play tricks is no good."

Glancing over his shoulder, the prince watched as Simon approached the balcony entrance, giving him a scolding look. At his side was Saki, whose hands were folded in a demure gesture and whose eyes watched Izaya with adoration.

"No meanness to Shizuo today. Come, play with little sister. Mikajima-hime is very lonely. Always sick. You make happy." The high-ranking ambassador turned to pat the girl's head affectionately.

Mikajima Saki was the frail, sickly successor to the Imperial House of the Phoenix; she was the oldest daughter to the Emperor and Izaya's half-sister. The Emperor's family dynasty had, historically, been split into three ancestral lines: the House of the Phoenix, current Mikajima family; the House of the Basilisk, current Orihara family; and the House of the Dragon, current Ryuugamine family. The Emperor himself was a Dragon descendant, but, as was tradition, he became the head of all three houses at the time of his coronation.

Yet, due to the violence and unrest of the Blood War twenty-odd years ago, the families of each imperial house were ravaged and assassinated, leaving the three lineages nearly eradicated. When the land of Tokyo finally emerged victorious in the war, Emperor Nebula took three wives, three female survivors from each of the houses, in hopes of restoring the family order.

_Horny old man._

Izaya snorted.

"Aww, no can do, Simon. I have some... very important, princely business to attend to. After all, Mairu and Kururi will be starting their Quest tomorrow, so their send-off feast is tonight. I'd be a terrible onii-sama to neglect my _real_ little sisters, wouldn't I?"

No, he didn't detest the anemic little Saki. He loved her the way he loved all humans. And no, actually, there never were any power struggles or rivalries between the royal siblings. Izaya was the oldest and the most capable. He was the talent of the family, it was accepted all throughout the court and across the country, and no one, not Mikado or Saki or even the twins, ever doubted that he would take the crown once Nebula croaked. So, the "real sisters" jab was nothing personal.

It was just fun to see Saki's face droop a little, before rebounding perfectly. Like plastic.

"Okay. I will see Izaya-onii-sama at the feast. We can play later."

The prince snickered and saluted them, hopping over the edge of the balcony and scaling down the wall. It was only after Izaya had dropped out of sight that Simon remembered he had forgotten to confiscate the dart shooter.

**-x-**

"Ne, ne, Shizuo-san!"

Just as he bid Celty goodbye, a pair of ecstatic braids bounced up and down in his field of vision.

"Your brother's coming to the feast, right? You invited him, right? We wanna see what he's like! Ahhh, I'm so excited! Is he strong like you? Huh? Is he?"

"Polar (or are you complete opposites)?"

The blonde paused for a long moment, trying again to remember whether Mairu was black blouse/white miniskirt, or Kururi was white blouse/black miniskirt. ...Wait. That was the same thing, wasn't it? Maybe Kururi was glasses/short hair, and Mairu was long hair/no lenses. ...No, but the glasses one had long hair. What did short hair/black miniskirt have, then? ...Uuurrgh... dammit.

Shizuo sighed and raked a hand through his hair.

"What was the question again? Uh... Mairu?"

"That's Mairu-hime to you! But you can call me Mai-chan, hee. So, isn't your brother coming to our party?"

"Kyo-chan (you can call me this)."

Shizuo scratched his head sheepishly. "Yeah, Kasuka's coming. Uh, we're not that much alike, though. Don't get too excited..."

Shizuo loved his brother. He really, really did.

But...

"Why? He's a famous, suave, incredible master of theater, right? I bet he's hot, too! How can I not be excited?"

Kururi slapped her sister loudly on the arm.

"Audacious (don't say such embarassing things). Inhibit (control yourself)."

"Aw, Kuru-nee—"

**-x-**

...Master of theatre, huh?

More like dirt-poor, traveling circus folk. Hell, Shizuo was one of them, too. At least, he _was_ one of them, up until the day he tried pickpocketing Simon during one of their shows. Worst brawl ever.

But it was probably the best day of his life, too, in all fairness.

Well, he knew Simon and his friends only wanted to take him in because of his freak-show strength, but he wasn't sure why the thought hadn't infuriated him at the time. In retrospect, he probably shouldn't have accepted an offer like that, especially from strange men. Of course, being the stupid kid he was, he figured the exchange wouldn't be much different from switching circus troupes. He was still offering up his bizarre qualities for food and shelter (and maybe something more this time... like peace of mind) which was something they had always done anyway.

"They" being Shizuo and Kasuka. Sure, they fought a lot as kids, but they were family, and they only had each other. So they stuck together.

Except Kasuka wasn't much like Shizuo at all. Kasuka loved the circus — loved the stage, loved the atmosphere, loved his own talents. But Kasuka also loved his brother. He really, really did.

That was why, without hesitation, Kasuka agreed to go with Shizuo. He followed his brother and the knights of the Raijin Society all the way to the royal city of Ikebukuro, right up through the gates. They even spent the night at an upscale inn somewhere inside the metropolis. The rooms were so big that the shadows of the furniture loomed like demons across the broad walls, and the beds were so wide that the boys could sleep together in huddled companionship, yet maintain enough distance on the mattress that neither could accuse the other of being a scaredy-cat.

And in the morning, Kasuka ran away.

There was a note on his pillow explaining that he had followed the circus troupe passing through town (didn't you notice, Aniki, or were you tired?) and that he would write letters to Shizuo, have them sent to this inn (or another address, if Aniki wants), every time the circus settled down in a city for a few weeks. Then Shizuo could write back, too.

It was selfishness and it was love. Kasuka craved the circus life; Shizuo craved a stable life. Kasuka knew both of these things, even if Shizuo understood neither. And Shizuo never would have pursued that which he desired if his brother had initially refused to come to the city with him. So his brother came and his brother left, and Shizuo was left to plod through a new life alone.

They still kept in touch through their letters, though, so it was all right. The only thing that baffled Shizuo was the fact that, just recently, Kasuka had accepted his invitation to come as entertainment for the princess' celebration. Because Shizuo could not, for the life of him, remember extending any invitation.

**-x-**

"Yo, Shizuo."

"...Uh? Oh. Kadota."

"You all right? Looked like you were in a daze."

"Ah... yeah..." The blonde glanced about and blinked. The twins were long gone, apparently.

"-ouldn't it?"

"Huh?"

"I said, princesses are taught only white magic. Going through a Quest would be pretty impossible without some sort of offense, wouldn't it?" Kadota paused and observed his friend for a moment. "You sure you're all right?"

Shizuo shrugged and reclaimed his seat at the edge of the fountain. He decided to ignore that last question. "Yeah, well, I think they'll be fine. I mean, they're kind of small and delicate-like, but... they're Oriharas." His expression grew noticeably darker with this admittance.

"Uh, yeah, that's true." Kadota toyed with his cap briefly and tried redirecting the conversation. "Hey, remember back when we had our initiation? It was me, you, and Shinra. Simon kept score. Kicked some ass, didn't we?"

"I hate violence."

"Oh. Right. Sorry."

Attempts at conversation shot down, Kadota settled for just sitting beside the blonde, albeit awkwardly. He removed his cap and was about to comment on the weather, or something equally trivial, when he turned to face his companion and noticed something absurd. "...Uh. Shizuo. You've... got some needles stuck in your back."

"Huh?"

Blindly, the blonde groped around the back of his shirt and proceeded to yank three, sharp objects out of his flesh. Upon closer inspection, they appeared to be darts. With happy faces drawn in ink.

Mechanically, Shizuo stood and turned a perfect 180 degrees around. Lo and behold, some fifty meters beyond the end of the fountain, his assailant stood smirking, dart shooter in hand.

It was always like this.

* * *

_**Twelve Years Ago**_

(Izaya - Age 12; Shizuo - Age 13)

**-x-**

"Father... what _is _that?"

The whisper was none-too-subtle, not that the cheeky young prince cared any. Three-year-old Mairu and Kururi giggled at the sight of the unruly stranger, and four-year-old Mikado stared serenely from his brother's side.

"Hmm. Simon, who is that young fellow with you?" the Emperor inquired.

As the adults exchanged words, Izaya stepped lightly around the men, getting up-close and personal with the curious guest. He was rather thin and wiry, not to mention shorter than the prince by a couple of centimeters - and dirtier. He smelled of soap and a recent bath, but the grime under the fingernails and the ugly condition of his shoes gave hints to his true nature. The kid was staring resolutely at the floor, and so the prince was unable to examine his face in detail.

"Hello."

The little brunette head tilted up in response, expression blank. Izaya smiled tenderly.

"Do you have a name, sir?" the prince crooned gently.

The stranger scrutinized him for a full minute.

"Quit makin' fun of me."

"_Pardon_?"

"Don't 'sir' me, you jerk. You think I don't know you're laughin' at me?"

The air outside of the inn seemed to stagnate with the ensuing silence.

And then:

"Father, can we keep it?"

.

.

.


End file.
